Stop. Collaborate. Listen.

When life gets you down thank the gods for your best friends to keep you from going insane
When you make a million mistakes in life it's nice to know there are still people who care about you and support you
To my best friend and to my family I want to say thank you
And also to the Pub I want to say you have an awesome breakfast

at one point she was my everything. you ever have one of those? that someone who gives you so much happiness you couldn't imagine life without them?

well i had to start imagining life without her when we broke up. we said to stay friends and i tried, but it was too soon. i could never get over her. a few weeks after the breakup, i invited her out to see a favorite band of ours play in manayunk. she said, "if i'm not busy," and proceeded to make plans with the rest of my friends for a Game Night that was in talks since this past winter. at the Game Night, she bad-mouthed me to no end, to the point where all my friends had to tell her to lay off. but i let that go and said we can still be friends.

but there was a point i had to say, this is enough. i had to cut all contact with her. i told her that, and asked her not to contact me. i wouldn't contact her. it was the only way i could keep any semblence of my sanity.  and then my friends were still emailing everyone including the two of us. i had to tell them not to because i can't be around her, and we can't be friends. i wrote an email saying that i don't want them to no longer be friends with her.

she broke the silence by asking me who i wrote to saying they can't be friends with her. she then started leaving text messages and calling all night. thankfully that only lasted two days. but come on i said, no contact. what part of "no contact" did she not get? i need my space to move on, to let go. she wanted to remain friends, i needed that space before it could ever happen.

intermittently she'd write a comment here or there, as if i never said "please don't contact me." i had to tell her once or twice that we can't talk. it still hurt to see her name, to see her picture. but this time it was anger instead of sadness. she wrote me an email that voiced concern for about a second and then turned bitch on me. i told her again, "i need a LOT of time."

my friend alyssa has been helping me through these rough times. she's telling me it's gonna get worse, it's gonna get better. it's been getting better. i can smile now. i don't hurt. i don't think about the ex anymore and i love life again.

i can sleep at night.

so i cleaned up part of my desk and found old mail i don't need and the birthday cards she'd given me. i don't save birthday cards -- what guy does? -- and so i put them in the trash.

she saw the pictures -- because even though we're broken up and i clearly received the ass-end of it  (despite the fact i said 'let's do this' right after she said it) and am the one who needs to move on -- wait a sec let me backtrack some.

the evening of the breakup i told her something that i had felt very guilty about, because it was a big thing that happened the previous week i was keeping secret from her. i didn't want her to have to deal with my problems so i wanted a break of sorts. she was tired of waiting for me to become who she wanted to she wanted a break-up. i wanted to get back together in the future and she said that won't ever happen. clearly she had already moved on. as a good friend of mine had told me, "she broke up with you? then that means she'd moved on a long time ago." so it was me who had to play catch up and move on.

anyway, moving on to the present again, when i posted the pictures of my new nikes and the trash can was in frame, she wrote me an email, called me an a-hole, insulted me, insulted one of my closest friends EVER. clearly the whole idea of no contact means i don't talk to her, she doesn't talk to me.

she keeps spiralling me into places i don't like to go. i don't like to hate. there are negative emotions i don't mind. that's when they deal with me. i can loathe myself, and i'm okay with that. if i ever loathe someone else, i hate myself for it because i don't allow myself such a base reaction towards other people. but at this point there's nothing else in me for her. she insults everyone i know in her e-mails now, and never acted like she cared about me or anyone else in any of her e-mails. they may seem to with a word or two, here or there, but overall i'm really saddened that there are people like her in the world, who can't leave well enough alone.

i'm happy now. can't she let me be happy? worse yet, why do i put up with this? i said no contact and she repeatedly breaks that rule.

at least i don't get phone calls anymore. i guess i should at least feel happy about that. but i can't feel happy about someone who insults my closest friends directly to me, and then tries to contact them and be all friendly at them. it's a two-faced attitude, and i don't know why i stand for it.

someday i'll grow a backbone and tell her off. if i get angry enough. i'm already at the point where i regret the past year. you have to be a real fuckoff at me to dislike you that much. and she did. but i'm not at the point where it's time to lash out. no. i have hella more patience than i give myself credit for sometimes.

but she wants to be a big bitch? let me be all high school and write a journal about it, as if telling you all will make you too realize she's a crazy psycho.

you don't have to believe a word of this. you don't have to care. if you didn't and you read and you still don't, i'm sorry i wasted your time. i just needed to vent and i figured buzznet's a nice place to vent, because my blog is currently in photo month. and next month it'll be at mp3 month. august will be youtube month if i feel like it. :D but that's taken up already and i think she reads my myspace blogs so -- here i am.

don't believe me. don't care. thanks for reading. sorry if i wasted time. or thanks for caring enough to read.

last night he came over john's where we were practicing and took a couple of pictures.

this was the only good one.

Hey dudes. In case you didn't know, one of my songs got played on the radio. If you didn't get a chance to listen -- cuz, you know, you're not from the Delaware valley, you have a couple options.
1. download the show from wstw.com/heroes later on this week (my song's on the 10:00 hour)
2. go to jayv.yoursecretidentity.net and listen to the podcast i made of the tail end of my song
3. just hit up my audio player for the podcast i made of the tail end of my song

thanks

peace out

jay v

i just dropped a song i wrote a couple months ago into the player. it's for my friend kristyn. it's really about how hard it is to say no and the consequences it brings. it's called "you wanted love so bad" and it's the first track. i hope, if you listen, you enjoy it.

For this week's episode of Jay V Mail, Melyni and Jeannette joined myself and Brady to answer a question about guys getting girlfriends and ignoring their other female friends. We had a lot of fun recording this episode and I plan to let other guests join in for later episodes.

Play MP3 | Visit the site

In case you were wondering what all those songs in my little jukebox are doing there and how they came to be, here's the jist of it:

Your Secret Identity - "Dark and Light"
I wrote a song about a kid and his abusive father

Your Secret Identity - "I Touched You Where It Meant Love"
I wrote a song that started out with a dream I had

Your Secret Identity - "Free Fallin'"
I think it's better than Tom Petty's. 

Your Secret Identity - "Li'l Sweet Charade"
I wrote a song about a guy named Jason and his girlfriend.

Your Secret Identity - "I Need To Tell You"
I had grand plans many years ago of stalking Michelle Branch. I even had the song I was gonna use to serenade her once I made it to her house in Sedona or wherever she's from. Sadly, I never got around to doing the stalking as promised. But at least here's a cool song.

M Jason Vertucio - "Friday the 13th"
I'd finally gotten back into composing instrumental music after a five year (or so) hiatus. This is the first one I'd done.

M Jason Vertucio - "The Cold Winter Night"
This one, you'd think, was composed on a cold winter night. Hah! Not true! But the bell-instruments made me think of a cold crystal palace in some sci-fi fantasy movie, and the song itself felt so cold to me that the only title befitting this tune had to include the word winter, the fact that it's cold, and something to indicate darkness.

M Jason Vertucio - "Kaine Reveals His Plan"
I'm composing music for Perdie's "Battle Of Hoods: The Miniseries." For the pilot episode, I put together this piece, which I love because it's eerie and rock and gritty all at the same time.

John Shaughnessy - "Cigarettes Will Kill You (If I Don't Get You First)"
It took me forever to figure out the keys for John Shaughnessy's song about how bad smoking is for you.

John Shaughnessy - "Strange Things Are Afoot (Circle K)"
My bro had a friend with an old Rhodes keyboard, and he dropped it off at our place for storage. Well, you can't drop off a Rhodes in my room and expect it to just stay stored. This is the only song of his I was able to put the piano on, though, before it was taken away.

So there you have it. Definitive proof that Jay V really does do too much thinking for his own good.

Jay V Mail will be coming this Wednesday! Check out jayvmail.blogspot.com for the latest episodes!

So this video I posted about a month ago finally decided to show up. On
7 Feb I went to see Will Hoge play at World Cafe Live in Philly and I
secretly taped one of his songs, an old favorite called 'Sweet
Magdeline.'I uploaded it thrice the next day (at least!),
and never did it take. Lo and behold, when I'm looking at my latest
movies, I see three copies in my videos section.I deleted two of 'em,
and now the only one left is right here.
Seriously, check out the song if you got a minute. The video's all for
crap, but the sound is awesome enough that you can hear just how
amazing Will Hoge and his band from Nashville, TN really are.JV

See it?

Good.

That's right. Superhero capes.

The latest Jay V Mail had Aseret asking a question for her little ones. If we were superheroes, would we wear capes?

I wouldn't. But that's just me.

Click here to listen to the show, and your comments are welcome on the Jay V Mail blog.

Over the summer, Elliebelle asked me, "Why do we say that the alarm clock when (sic) off when in reality, it went on?" I never did answer her quesion.

Today I thought about that question, and realised I never gave her a real answer. So I considered what she was asking, and understood The Question and found an answer.

Ellie, you're a linguistics student, so you should already know the answer to this. I'm just writing in hopes that you'll see this and tell me if I'm right or not.

When you say "went off" and "went on," you're not supposed to be looking at the individual words, but the phrase as a whole to determine its definition.

the alarm clock turns its alarm on, yes, but that's the extent of its relevance, because "went off" is the complete term. Meanings for this  include, "discharged" and "began a tirade," and generally are accompanied by loud noises. I mean, a gun doesn't generally fire quietly, and tirades tend to be filled with shouting.

Your gun accidentally "went off," or discharged, putting a bullet into your foot. Your ex-boyfriend "went off," or began a tirade, on how your dumb cat totally ripped up the side of his favorite chair, the one he relaxes in every Sunday when he watches football on FOX.

The alarm clock "went off," or made a loud noise to notify you of some specific event [in most cases to wake up before you're late for work].

So did I answer well?

Tune in on Wednesday for another exciting episode of JAY V MAIL, on the web at JAYVMAIL.BLOGSPOT.COM!!!

i told him i like the rain. i'm just doing this for fun.

Oh man I just wrote a review for the best movie EVER MADE and it is called

and then I put it up on my website! Fuckin' kickass! I only wish I could kick so much ass in real life. The Rock needs to get FIVE Academy Awards for this movie, one for each awesome line he says!

The Rock: "What the fuck is going on here?"
The Scientist Chick: "Research!"

I invite everyone to check out the magic that is my bro's camera, including the 10-second shutter experience!!!

You HAVE to go there and comment him RIGHT NOW!!!

So the best I can figure based on the info my brother gave me is that I coded the .htaccess file wrong, and it probably caused some sort of funky loop. Either that or the websites that are still linking to blog.jasonvertucio.com are being overrun with spiders or spambots and overloading the . . . . no it's a bad .htaccess file coding. Even if spambots circled my site they wouldn't be able to get it suspended unless I did something wrong in the first place.

Anyway, I'm sad, because my website is currently nonexistant. And neither is my e-mail.

i just don't don't like getting drunk

It's not supposed to be a government that should so blatantly turn its back on its people in a time of need.
No, the government did not turn its back against the people. Certain steps have to be followed in order to minimize chaos.

You tell me that the best our armed forces, our trained soldiers, our government can do, is respond four to five days later.
Well see, heres the problem. This is what the media doesnt tell you. To muster guard forces takes one to two days depending on how far each soldier lives away from his unit, so it takes a while to get everyone gathered. Why? Because mothers have to find a place for their children to stay while they serve. Because employees have to check with their bosses that they are not going to get fired.

Gathering a national guard unit can be very difficult.

Not just that, but the entire infrastructure of New Orleans was completely destroyed.  Our own vehicles could not get through some of the water. The first responder system of New Orleans was destroyed. Firefighters, EMS crews, and police officers fled for their lives because they were being confronted by mobs of looters armed with weapons. Helicopters had to be careful with their pickup missions because people took potshots at them. It's very hard to help people when you have to watch out for 15 year-old hoodlums shooting at you.

We are doing everything we can to help these people out, but some will never understand it, because they need someone to blame for their misfortune. I was called by one of my soldiers to calm down a hysterical old lady because she was accussing the national guard of intentionally blowing up the levees.

You know it's we who aren't a part of the scene who are looking for someone to point at. Those who live in New Orleans? They're merely looking for survival.
Exactly. It's easy to point fingers and play armchair quarterback. I myself am sacrificing my civilian job and my schooling to help out those people who need to stay in the Astrodome. I've spent the last four days checking people for weapons in the hot, blistering sun, to prevent any more rapes and shootings in the shelters. Many are jeopardizing their livelihoods to help these people. These things just take time. Donations have to be received, organized, catalogued, shipped, received, and distributed. These things can takedays.

Heres the thing. People did act soon enough. I have friends that were on their way to New Orleans before the storm even finished. People were told to evacuate, and given the proper resourcesto do so.

But most refused to.

Media focuses on the ones who didn't have the means to escape.
Thats not true, because free buses were offered to evacuate people.I can tell you from first-hand experience that we have been doing our best.

Sometimes, "doing our best" isn't always adequate in some people's eyes.
Well unless you can create a portal that can ship people and supplies faster, you can't say we didn't act fast enough. And for some people that just want to criticize, nothing is ever good enough.

was it really only april when gas prices were just above $2.00?

when will the madness end?!?!

www.jasonvertucio.com is all new.

but not really.